Thursday, January 15, 2009

Political Food Fight


The ultimate technique for getting what you want is to make the person you want to pinch it from believe that he owes it to you. Politicians are adepts at this, not only can they convince their victims that the welfare recipient NEEDS taxpayer money, they warp facts and ignore the Constitution to lay a guilt-trip at the unfortunate taxpayer's feet if they resist.

Tex finds trying to steal Dad's food at dinner very diverting. His argument: “I'm growing and I need more food than Dad does. Therefore, Dad ought to give me his food and be glad to.” So he (the little roach) begins to creep his hand toward Dad's plate. By using various methods of distraction, Tex will succeed in all but actually touching Dad's food. Dad suddenly becomes aware of the perilous threat overhanging his dinner and slaps his arm down and traps Tex's fingers. They begin to tussle, having numerous near disasters. Dad gets Tex wedged in a corner, holding him at bay with a particularly painful grip on his thumbs, and starts attacking the instigator's plate. Tex, faced with losing his food through his own fault, admonishes Dad, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Be nice!”At this point, Dad usually cracks up and Tex succeeds in snatching a chip or two. Winded, both sit down to finish the meal in (relative) peace.
So as a politician Tex is pretty much a failure (sorry bro). However, all the ingredients are there. To his mind Dad is not entitled to the enjoyment of all of his own food, not because Dad has done anything wrong, but merely because Tex NEEDS it more. When Dad disputes this supposition, he is the guilty one and Tex is the noble one. Why? Because Dad is 'mean and stingy'. Who ever heard of wanting to keep your own property for yourself? It's just not fair.

The only way to make the situation more accurate would be for Mom to play politician and swipe Dad's food and give it to Tex. As it is, Tex has to be the politician and the welfare recipient, but he is quite content to hold both positions.

Disclaimer: Tex is NOT starving and always has plenty to eat. This dinner time contest traces its origins back to the days when Dad would tease our dog by slowly reaching for her food. When Brownie died ten years ago, Dad transferred these unwelcome attentions to Tex who defended his food manfully. Then suddenly Tex was taller than Dad and decided to try stealing HIS food. And the fun was on! I admit that I'm not completely guiltless of food snitching and that I was once known for audaciously eating from off their plates while the gentlemen were squabbling. However, since the time they knocked over a glass of ice-cold-tea and drenched me, I have become a firm believer in the old rule 'Don't play with your food'.

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